Why I'm Walking Away
Aug. 19th, 2020 01:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kevintaylorburgessI’m in the process of doing something very unfashionable these days: I’m deliberately changing my life. I’ve made the conscious decision to shift from an upper middle class lifestyle towards something a little lower on the socioeconomic ladder. I could talk about how few of the comforts of that lifestyle are actually comfortable, or about how few of the privileges are actually anything more than a way for someone else to control us, but at the moment I feel like that would be a lie: at this point I miss quite a few of them.
There have been days where my apartment has felt like an oven, and I’ve wished I had the money for air conditioning; there are times where I’m grocery shopping and really wish I didn’t need to think through the cost of everything and could just buy whatever I happened to want; there are times when I really don’t feel like cooking and wish I could afford to be able to just decide to order something; and so on.
This is not to say that my new life is miserable: quite the opposite in fact. I’ve found certain pleasures to be had in it that my old life lacked: it’s far easier to be outside in hot weather; I’m enjoying trying out plenty of old recipes which I’d never think to use if I could buy whatever I wanted; there’s plenty of peace and quiet to be had without the TVs my family has blaring all the time; and even though I’m giving up a lot, I still have running water, electricity, shelter, and plenty of food. Furthermore, my new way of life has a future, and so I’m free from the psychological burden of justifying why I cling to a life I hate, that I know will be going away anyway.
This last point is worth discussing. It has a simple origin: anything unsustainable will eventually stop. This is a very simple concept, but it’s one which a lot of people are going out of their way to avoid grasping right now. The reason is very, very simple: the kind of lives which most North Americans live, or if they don’t have think they deserve, is utterly unsustainable. The lifestyles depend on the drawing down of massive amounts of fossil fuels, and the systematic impoverishment of the majority of the rest of the world, both of which rely on certain states of affairs which are going away as I write this.
Fossil fuels are a non-renewable resource over any timescale relevant to human beings, and so this means that each and every barrel of oil, pound of coal, or cubic foot of natural gas burned today is one less available for tomorrow, and so at a certain point we will start running out; and the current excess available for North America is the result of systematic imbalances funnelling a sizable fraction of the world’s wealth our way, which is under pressure due to the rise of other nations, such as China, Russia, India, and Brazil.
What this means then is that the kind of life I grew up in will be going away in the near future. For many, it’s already started to disappear, and for everyone else, it’s only a matter of time. One thing I think is worth noting as evidence this is already happening is that my siblings and myself, until I decided to give up the lifestyle, lived with our parents, as we don’t have the money to move out and maintain a middle class lifestyle. Twenty years ago, most people in their mid to late 20s in the middle class would have been able to find a job which payed enough to enable them to pursue the life independent of their parents. The fact my siblings couldn’t, I couldn’t, and that very few of my friends have been able to is because it’s a widespread predicament; and this says something about how the way of life is already going away. This leaves people in a nasty predicament: the way of life they have is going away right now, and most of them have no idea what to do if they lose it.
The way out of the predicament is quite straightforward, but it’s not one which a lot of people are willing to take: it is to embrace the sort of life that is possible on the income which you have. This is what I’m doing, and it’s incredible to realize the freedom and power which comes from this decision. Yes, I’m getting power from deliberately being poorer than I need to be. Self imposed limits is the only source of power, and this provides as good an example of why as anything else.
If I were to have continued to pursue the sort of life I was living, my parents would have continued to be able to control my life: if I’m dependent on them for the continuation of the perks and privileges which I need in order to function, then I have no ability to resist whatever they choose to do. Whether it be the TVs blaring all the time, or the way they like to keep the house colder in the summer than the winter, I’m powerless if I depend on their money. My parents are in a worse boat though, being utterly dependent on their employers. I’ve watched the way that they’ve put up with a great deal of injustice from their employers, utterly unwilling to do anything about it, because to do something means risking the paychecks they need in order to keep the lifestyle they’ve grown accustomed to.
The only way to stop depending on their money, then, is to change my life. This means embracing limits, and this means being poorer than I “need to be”. I have no expectation that they’ll come to the realization that they can stop working jobs they hate if they were willing to reduce expenses: these are people who fail to see the absurd extravagance of a trip to Europe for a long weekend. But the option does exist for them too: if they were willing to embrace limits, they could take control of their lives from their bosses.
The bitter irony is that at some point most of the people living middle class lives today will have to get used to being much poorer, whether they want to or not. Thus, it ought to be common sense for most people that one of the most important things to do is a deliberate downshifting towards a lifestyle with a future. The fact that this is not obvious, even to many people who grasp that the lives they live are miserable and don’t have a future, is fascinating, in much the same way that watching two trains smash into each other is.
The psychology of previous investment provides one piece of the answer: every single injustice someone tolerates; every time they refuse to take the plunge into a more sustainable lifestyle; every single time that they make the decision that it’s more important to pursue the life of absurd extravagance which the middle class has than to put their money, time, or muscles where their mouths are, make parting with that lifestyle that much harder. We’ll start talking about that next week.
Please note: all comments are moderated. Courteous comments related to the post are always welcome, especially if they challenge something in the post. Anything with profanity, rudeness, or which hammers on a point already addressed repeatedly will be deleted. Off topic comments may or may not be posted: it will depend on what kind of mood I’m in.
There have been days where my apartment has felt like an oven, and I’ve wished I had the money for air conditioning; there are times where I’m grocery shopping and really wish I didn’t need to think through the cost of everything and could just buy whatever I happened to want; there are times when I really don’t feel like cooking and wish I could afford to be able to just decide to order something; and so on.
This is not to say that my new life is miserable: quite the opposite in fact. I’ve found certain pleasures to be had in it that my old life lacked: it’s far easier to be outside in hot weather; I’m enjoying trying out plenty of old recipes which I’d never think to use if I could buy whatever I wanted; there’s plenty of peace and quiet to be had without the TVs my family has blaring all the time; and even though I’m giving up a lot, I still have running water, electricity, shelter, and plenty of food. Furthermore, my new way of life has a future, and so I’m free from the psychological burden of justifying why I cling to a life I hate, that I know will be going away anyway.
This last point is worth discussing. It has a simple origin: anything unsustainable will eventually stop. This is a very simple concept, but it’s one which a lot of people are going out of their way to avoid grasping right now. The reason is very, very simple: the kind of lives which most North Americans live, or if they don’t have think they deserve, is utterly unsustainable. The lifestyles depend on the drawing down of massive amounts of fossil fuels, and the systematic impoverishment of the majority of the rest of the world, both of which rely on certain states of affairs which are going away as I write this.
Fossil fuels are a non-renewable resource over any timescale relevant to human beings, and so this means that each and every barrel of oil, pound of coal, or cubic foot of natural gas burned today is one less available for tomorrow, and so at a certain point we will start running out; and the current excess available for North America is the result of systematic imbalances funnelling a sizable fraction of the world’s wealth our way, which is under pressure due to the rise of other nations, such as China, Russia, India, and Brazil.
What this means then is that the kind of life I grew up in will be going away in the near future. For many, it’s already started to disappear, and for everyone else, it’s only a matter of time. One thing I think is worth noting as evidence this is already happening is that my siblings and myself, until I decided to give up the lifestyle, lived with our parents, as we don’t have the money to move out and maintain a middle class lifestyle. Twenty years ago, most people in their mid to late 20s in the middle class would have been able to find a job which payed enough to enable them to pursue the life independent of their parents. The fact my siblings couldn’t, I couldn’t, and that very few of my friends have been able to is because it’s a widespread predicament; and this says something about how the way of life is already going away. This leaves people in a nasty predicament: the way of life they have is going away right now, and most of them have no idea what to do if they lose it.
The way out of the predicament is quite straightforward, but it’s not one which a lot of people are willing to take: it is to embrace the sort of life that is possible on the income which you have. This is what I’m doing, and it’s incredible to realize the freedom and power which comes from this decision. Yes, I’m getting power from deliberately being poorer than I need to be. Self imposed limits is the only source of power, and this provides as good an example of why as anything else.
If I were to have continued to pursue the sort of life I was living, my parents would have continued to be able to control my life: if I’m dependent on them for the continuation of the perks and privileges which I need in order to function, then I have no ability to resist whatever they choose to do. Whether it be the TVs blaring all the time, or the way they like to keep the house colder in the summer than the winter, I’m powerless if I depend on their money. My parents are in a worse boat though, being utterly dependent on their employers. I’ve watched the way that they’ve put up with a great deal of injustice from their employers, utterly unwilling to do anything about it, because to do something means risking the paychecks they need in order to keep the lifestyle they’ve grown accustomed to.
The only way to stop depending on their money, then, is to change my life. This means embracing limits, and this means being poorer than I “need to be”. I have no expectation that they’ll come to the realization that they can stop working jobs they hate if they were willing to reduce expenses: these are people who fail to see the absurd extravagance of a trip to Europe for a long weekend. But the option does exist for them too: if they were willing to embrace limits, they could take control of their lives from their bosses.
The bitter irony is that at some point most of the people living middle class lives today will have to get used to being much poorer, whether they want to or not. Thus, it ought to be common sense for most people that one of the most important things to do is a deliberate downshifting towards a lifestyle with a future. The fact that this is not obvious, even to many people who grasp that the lives they live are miserable and don’t have a future, is fascinating, in much the same way that watching two trains smash into each other is.
The psychology of previous investment provides one piece of the answer: every single injustice someone tolerates; every time they refuse to take the plunge into a more sustainable lifestyle; every single time that they make the decision that it’s more important to pursue the life of absurd extravagance which the middle class has than to put their money, time, or muscles where their mouths are, make parting with that lifestyle that much harder. We’ll start talking about that next week.
Please note: all comments are moderated. Courteous comments related to the post are always welcome, especially if they challenge something in the post. Anything with profanity, rudeness, or which hammers on a point already addressed repeatedly will be deleted. Off topic comments may or may not be posted: it will depend on what kind of mood I’m in.
Yes to all of this.
Date: 2020-08-21 08:10 pm (UTC)Like you said, if one can afford to gradually and deliberately downshift, that's the best option. I'm grateful that's what I could do, rather than a "fast collapse" scenario where all of a sudden you have nothing. In my ten years since college, I've learned about my limits. In my case, I could go the rest of my life without seeing a doctor and not be worried about that at all, but I need to have the cash on hand for a dentist, because gosh if my teeth hurt I can't think about anything else.
Ten years in, and I'm finally in a neighborhood where my lifestyle isn't weird and where I feel safe and want to stay forever. It took me some months to realize I was finally in a stable situation, that I could relax and enjoy living, that I was home. Going completely without familial support at age 18 with no experience or skills is rough. I'm still processing and letting go of all the stress I've been carrying around. But I'd must rather be where I am today than clueless in a cubicle, with that blaring TV waiting for me.
Re: Yes to all of this.
Date: 2020-08-21 11:09 pm (UTC)The thing about collapsing now is that it allows for a lot of options which will not be available to people who have to frantically try to scramble to figure out how to survive. I'm fairly sure when crisis hits, a lot of the middle class will suddenly find themselves in a position where they have no skills and no income. Even if it doesn't, what'll happen instead is that slowly, one at a time, they'll lose their perks. One at a time meaning both slowly people will be forced out and for those who can cling to it, the perks will go away one at a time.
As for your last comment, I think that's the most important part: there is a better life after giving up on the middle class lifestyle. It may take years to get there, but it's out there, and it's simple to get to. I already like my life much better than the one I left. The drawbacks are not severe enough to outweigh the massive benefits, and this is true after less than two months. I have no idea where I'll be in ten years, but I'd much rather wherever this path takes me than where I was headed.
Re: Yes to all of this.
Date: 2020-09-03 02:08 am (UTC)That is haunting and well written. TV is such trash. And the comment about it being like an open sewer in one's home... yes! For the life of me I'll never understand why most people pay to have it brought into their house.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-26 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-27 02:44 am (UTC)On A/C: We're in the subtropics, and due to both budget constraint and plague precautions... we haven't turned the thing on once this year. Windows open all the time. Some days are miserably hot, but one does acclimate. Box fans are cheap and effective, and a gallon of iced tea in the fridge helps. It does make going outside easier!
I grew up in a family where having the power or water shut off for non-payment was a semiannual occurrence, and nothing to panic over. But my husband comes from a family of comfortable bureaucrats, and they are miffed at the way I've dragged him down the economic ladder. It's our little secret that he came willingly ;)
no subject
Date: 2020-08-27 07:46 pm (UTC)Comfortable bureaucrats is a good way to describe my family too. I don’t have anyone dragging me down the economic ladder, but one thing I have noticed is that there are a lot of very interesting people down here, who if you insist on staying way up in the clouds you’ll never meet. ;)
As for iced tea in the fridge, that’s a wonderful idea! I’ll brew something tonight and I’ll be able to have it ready for tomorrow. It’ll be a nice thing to have on hand. Thank you for sharing the idea.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-27 09:44 pm (UTC)It's hardly the only modern convenience that actively makes life worse. There's also carpet, vacuum cleaners, automatic dishwashers, microwaves, glass cooktops, and whole armies of unnecessary small appliances.
It is absolutely true, that people at this end of the income distribution tell much more interesting stories ;)
You must realize that when Canadians complain to Floridians about the heat, we struggle to keep a straight face. But we will not laugh, because we want to be encouraging.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-28 02:16 am (UTC)Carpet though, carpet is the worst, for a number of reasons. It’s ridiculously hard to keep clean, it doesn’t look particularly appealing to my eyes, and it feels unpleasant when I walk on it. I’ve never seen any carpets I like before, and I don’t think I ever will. My apartment’s floor is covered with it, and it’s one of the only things I dislike about my new home.
“It is absolutely true, that people at this end of the income distribution tell much more interesting stories ;)”
I suspect that that this is why so many people in the upper classes travel so much: their daily lives are boring and travelling is part of how they cope. One of the things I’m finding fascinating is how much my neighbours and people around here can talk about things which are part of day to day life.
It’s okay, I understand that it would be hard to keep a straight face: I feel the same way when my relatives in Atlanta talk about winter there. It’s all what you’re used to, and I think that next summer I’ll be perfectly happy with the weather here. I’ve already discovered I lived through a heat wave without noticing: it just felt like somewhat warmer weather. Of course, our “heatwaves” are probably about the same as normal weather for you...
Glad to find you
Date: 2020-08-27 02:59 am (UTC)Thanks for posting this new blog on Ecosophia. I find your journey both fascinating and admirable. I'm also very keen on your Canadian mundane astrology.
Most people cling to comfort and convenience. They are seductive and the illusion of permanence is compelling even when all the evidence is to the contrary.
Having taken the first steps each choice you make will be easier than the last. One tip from someone who has lived on the edge financially (things improved once my daughter became an adult) is to build some treats into your budget. Choose something as a 'reward' of some kind. Whether it is take out occasionally or a movie night or whatever. If you build it into your plan you'll be less likely to binge on something and over spend.
Best wishes,
Elaine
Re: Glad to find you
Date: 2020-08-27 07:16 pm (UTC)My biggest splurge is books: I've set up a category for that and it is well stocked for the time being: once the libraries fully reopen I'll probably cut it down a fair bit, but for now, I spend a good amount on that. I’m also saving for a record player, and a possible train trip somewhere nearby: Ottawa is right in the middle of the Via Rail Corridor, and I like travelling quite a bit, as long as there’s no time zone changes!
As for the illusion of permanence, it’s incredibly watching how much effort people will put into clinging to “convenience”. It would be so much easier for a lot of people to ditch the middle class lifestyle and get used to living on a lot less, but that’s unthinkable for a lot of people. However, since I spent years in the same boat, I don’t think I can criticize them for it: I understand exactly why they do it.